Even before I was pregnant the first time I had several people tell me how much it costs to have children. Doctors, schools, clothes, even just giving birth costs money. But, surprisingly, I find that having children has saved me more money than I could ever expect. I'm not suggesting people have children in order to get their finances in order, I'm just amazed at how my children have unknowingly helped me to be far slower to spend money than ever. Not only do I have relatively few extra costs, but I have significantly fewer opportunities to spend money than I did before having children.
I just got home about 15 minutes ago from the mall. I don't think I've been to the mall since November or so...Christmas shopping, I'm sure. I'm not much of a shopper in general, but when (if) I go in the right mindset I enjoy myself. This time, however, we only went to play with friends in the giant breakfast foods play area. If you're in the Grand Rapids area you know what I'm talking about...what fun! Going to the mall is a challenge with two children because there aren't shopping carts like at a grocery store so everything has to be loaded onto me. I felt a bit like a pack mule heading in, but this brings me to one of the ways my kids keep me from spending money.
1. If I bought something, I'd have to carry it - and I'm already carrying plenty.
I believe strongly in the benefits of babywearing, so I like to carry/wear my kid(s) as often as possible. Some well-meaning family & friends have encouraged me to get a double stroller for this type of endeavor...and sometimes I feel very tempted. Part of me loves the idea of being unencumbered. But then I realize that it would make it easier to buy things - because I would have a place to load more "stuff." Instead, I put my sling on and carried Anson on my left side and I threw my bag (effectively "purse" but it's more like a piece of luggage) and diaper bag over my right side for proper ballast. I was still drinking my coffee, so I had a travel mug in one of my hands and grabbed Simon's little mittened paw in the other. We trucked through the parking lot, into the mall, and of course I was parked at the opposite end of the mall because I don't know where the play area is so we trucked down the length of the mall to find the foam eggs & bacon.
We played for a while with Jeannie & Moses, but it was nearing lunch time. We loaded up again (borrowing some space on their stroller which greatly eased the load for the trek to the food court) and found our way to a table. This brings me to another way my kids save me money.
2. When I eat anything anywhere with kids, I have to eat quicker than they do and be clean & ready to be done when they are. This leads to me buying a smaller/simpler meal for myself.
Anson munched a few of Moses' Cheerios. Simon snagged a few too, and I had some raisins for him. I got him a "mini-pan" from this excellent new(?) place called Euro-Pan and spread a little jelly on it. I think his lunch cost me about $1.00. I got a sandwich called the Catalan (that's for you, Melis!) and that's it. If I didn't have kids with me, I most likely would have still gotten the sandwich, but I'd probably get soup & chips or something too. Or salad. Or some form of dessert. Or all of the above. Who knows? But I have to operate through the mindset of "quick/easy/clean" because I can't ever create more mess, need more time, or take more effort than my kids require.
After eating we cleaned up & headed back to the play area, but all three kids were either sleepy or sleeping by the time we got there. Simon played half-heartedly for a few minutes, but was ready to go soon after. We got suited up and 'pack-muled" our way back to the car. I realized as I was carrying both boys (Simon was too tired to walk, he said) through the mall that I might have otherwise browsed through a few stores or at least looked at the window displays were I without them. As it is, I don't have the focus/energy to browse because I'm just responding to their needs. This leads to another way they save me money:
3. I can't even take the time to browse in stores even while I'm out and often have to leave before I might be ready in order to respond to the energy levels of my children. Not browsing - or even looking at all - leads me to not being tempted and therefore not purchasing anything at all. With a slight variation, this is also true while grocery shopping. I tend to browse aisles and sale items much less when I have kids with me - I just get what's on my list and save my browsing & menu-planning & creativity for a time when I might not have them with me...which sometimes happens. But my grocery bill tends to be 1/2 to 1/3 the cost when I have kids with me.
Anson fell asleep almost immediately in the car and Simon actually (shockingly) fell asleep about halfway home. I considered just driving around the city for 30 or 45 or 60 minutes to give them naps and allow me the opportunity to be out of the house, but I couldn't think of anywhere I could go or anything I could do where I wouldn't want to get out of the car. I realized it was especially foolish to drive just for the sake of driving when they could sleep and I could relax at home without creating more emissions and using more fuel, so I came home. But this leads to:
4. If I didn't have kids with me and I was out I would be much more inclined to go to another and another and another errand, each of which would likely cost money. Even if the kids are awake and happy, the "shuffle" of getting them in & out of the car, in & out of the ___________ (fill in the blank: store, restaurant, credit union, etc.) just makes it easier to choose not to go anywhere that's not necessary.
So now I'm home. Anson went right down for a nap and Simon conked out on the couch. I think he may actually not be feeling wholly well. So here I stay. So:
5. When I'm home I tend to stay at home, thus making it easier to keep all my money home.
Other ways:
6. Our kids are our grandparents' grandkids. Grandkids get shopped for. Whether you live far away and they want to send stuff for fun and an extra sense of connection or you live close by and they want the joy of seeing "their" kids with new/fun things, grandparents really DO spoil grandkids. They get clothes, toys, snacks, even very practical items like underpants, sheets, shoes. I sometimes feel almost bummed that I don't get to choose what my kids have and wear because effectively everything is already provided...but then I remember that it's AMAZING to have such generous parents (mine and Adam's) and that I don't really love to shop that much anyway, so it's easy to just appreciate it all instead.
7. Without getting into the finer details or the "politics" of it, I had both of my babies at home with a midwife in attendance. This was a good choice for us for so many reasons...one of them being that it's much much much cheaper than a hospital birth.
8. We use natural/herbal/preventative approaches to wellness, which is much cheaper than reactive/medical treatment.
9. We almost never eat out now that we have two kids. With one we could still manage because we'd just go when he was between naps. With two it's a lot more juggling to find time to get everyone loaded up, eat, and home again without meltdowns.
10. We're not quite at school-age yet, but we're probably (likely) going to use either public or charter school. Free. Well, free in the sense that as homeowners in Grand Rapids we won't be paying anything we won't already be paying in taxes.
11. I mentioned grandparents, but it's also fair to say that almost everyone likes to get/do things for kids. Friends, extended family members, people from church or other organizations/groups we're connected to. We are given so much for our kids that we very very rarely ever have to buy anything we didn't already.
12. Our whole focus in life, our priorities, now center on our children. I don't know that I'm actually so much less selfish than I was pre-children, but I don't have the time/energy/scheduling finesse to pursue things just for me much at all anymore. If I didn't have kids I would probably go out of the house more. I'd shop. I'd get haircuts or color. I'd have more hobbies that I spend more money on supplies for. I'd buy more gourmet & international food items to cook more creative meals instead of just doing sandwiches & cereal since it's all the kids eat anyway. We'd go on dates. We'd go to the bar. We'd go to movies and plays and concerts. I'd drop in on Adam at work sometimes and randomly pick up lunch somewhere. There are so many more opportunities to spend money on yourself when you're just...well...yourself.
13. The internet. Because the internet makes almost anything possible from home and it's trickier to get out with kids and nap schedules, I can do almost everything, always, from home.
14. Attachment/"crunchy" or "granola" parenting: I breastfeed. (Free). I make my own baby food. (Free). I carry my kid in a sling I got free from the midwife or I use a mei-tai style wrap a friend sewed up for me very inexpensively. I cloth diaper(ed) both kids and, other than the past 8 months of diaper service as a moving/transition gift from my parents, I wash them myself. The diapers and covers cost more initially than disposables do, but after using them a gazillion times they more than pay for themselves. Plus, the added bonus in all this is that we have much less of an impact on the landfills (did you disposable diapers are the THIRD largest single item in landfills, representing about 4% of the solid waste?), we feed our kids the best foods we can without any extra preservatives or high fructose corn syrup, and they grow up attached to us, comforted by the bonding that happens through being carried so much instead of detached & "strollered" in the amazing SUVs of strollers they make these days. By using only an umbrella stroller, and that infrequently, we have the Pinto of strollers and it's parked in the garage most of the time. :)
15. Most of the activities/interests/values that we have & enjoy & want to share with our kids have very little to no cost involved. We love to be outside. We like to hike and camp. We like to play at the beach. We were gifted with a canoe which runs on people-power (free, eco-safe) and is great fun with kids. We go for walks. We play in public places. Through family & friends & church & organizations we have abundant opportunities to be in community with the only cost being the gas to get us there and sometimes some food to share. We don't have cable so we can't watch TV - by choice. We don't have cell phones (unless Adam's job buys him one & pays for it...and even then we sometimes wish we didn't have it for other reasons.) We're technological dinosaurs - no ipods or blackberries or wii systems. We're not gadgety or trendy. Knowing that our children learn by example, we feel that much more convicted about spending time in nature, in community, with books, dancing & singing and other things that are free and the richest treasures in this life.
I just got home about 15 minutes ago from the mall. I don't think I've been to the mall since November or so...Christmas shopping, I'm sure. I'm not much of a shopper in general, but when (if) I go in the right mindset I enjoy myself. This time, however, we only went to play with friends in the giant breakfast foods play area. If you're in the Grand Rapids area you know what I'm talking about...what fun! Going to the mall is a challenge with two children because there aren't shopping carts like at a grocery store so everything has to be loaded onto me. I felt a bit like a pack mule heading in, but this brings me to one of the ways my kids keep me from spending money.
1. If I bought something, I'd have to carry it - and I'm already carrying plenty.
I believe strongly in the benefits of babywearing, so I like to carry/wear my kid(s) as often as possible. Some well-meaning family & friends have encouraged me to get a double stroller for this type of endeavor...and sometimes I feel very tempted. Part of me loves the idea of being unencumbered. But then I realize that it would make it easier to buy things - because I would have a place to load more "stuff." Instead, I put my sling on and carried Anson on my left side and I threw my bag (effectively "purse" but it's more like a piece of luggage) and diaper bag over my right side for proper ballast. I was still drinking my coffee, so I had a travel mug in one of my hands and grabbed Simon's little mittened paw in the other. We trucked through the parking lot, into the mall, and of course I was parked at the opposite end of the mall because I don't know where the play area is so we trucked down the length of the mall to find the foam eggs & bacon.
We played for a while with Jeannie & Moses, but it was nearing lunch time. We loaded up again (borrowing some space on their stroller which greatly eased the load for the trek to the food court) and found our way to a table. This brings me to another way my kids save me money.
2. When I eat anything anywhere with kids, I have to eat quicker than they do and be clean & ready to be done when they are. This leads to me buying a smaller/simpler meal for myself.
Anson munched a few of Moses' Cheerios. Simon snagged a few too, and I had some raisins for him. I got him a "mini-pan" from this excellent new(?) place called Euro-Pan and spread a little jelly on it. I think his lunch cost me about $1.00. I got a sandwich called the Catalan (that's for you, Melis!) and that's it. If I didn't have kids with me, I most likely would have still gotten the sandwich, but I'd probably get soup & chips or something too. Or salad. Or some form of dessert. Or all of the above. Who knows? But I have to operate through the mindset of "quick/easy/clean" because I can't ever create more mess, need more time, or take more effort than my kids require.
After eating we cleaned up & headed back to the play area, but all three kids were either sleepy or sleeping by the time we got there. Simon played half-heartedly for a few minutes, but was ready to go soon after. We got suited up and 'pack-muled" our way back to the car. I realized as I was carrying both boys (Simon was too tired to walk, he said) through the mall that I might have otherwise browsed through a few stores or at least looked at the window displays were I without them. As it is, I don't have the focus/energy to browse because I'm just responding to their needs. This leads to another way they save me money:
3. I can't even take the time to browse in stores even while I'm out and often have to leave before I might be ready in order to respond to the energy levels of my children. Not browsing - or even looking at all - leads me to not being tempted and therefore not purchasing anything at all. With a slight variation, this is also true while grocery shopping. I tend to browse aisles and sale items much less when I have kids with me - I just get what's on my list and save my browsing & menu-planning & creativity for a time when I might not have them with me...which sometimes happens. But my grocery bill tends to be 1/2 to 1/3 the cost when I have kids with me.
Anson fell asleep almost immediately in the car and Simon actually (shockingly) fell asleep about halfway home. I considered just driving around the city for 30 or 45 or 60 minutes to give them naps and allow me the opportunity to be out of the house, but I couldn't think of anywhere I could go or anything I could do where I wouldn't want to get out of the car. I realized it was especially foolish to drive just for the sake of driving when they could sleep and I could relax at home without creating more emissions and using more fuel, so I came home. But this leads to:
4. If I didn't have kids with me and I was out I would be much more inclined to go to another and another and another errand, each of which would likely cost money. Even if the kids are awake and happy, the "shuffle" of getting them in & out of the car, in & out of the ___________ (fill in the blank: store, restaurant, credit union, etc.) just makes it easier to choose not to go anywhere that's not necessary.
So now I'm home. Anson went right down for a nap and Simon conked out on the couch. I think he may actually not be feeling wholly well. So here I stay. So:
5. When I'm home I tend to stay at home, thus making it easier to keep all my money home.
Other ways:
6. Our kids are our grandparents' grandkids. Grandkids get shopped for. Whether you live far away and they want to send stuff for fun and an extra sense of connection or you live close by and they want the joy of seeing "their" kids with new/fun things, grandparents really DO spoil grandkids. They get clothes, toys, snacks, even very practical items like underpants, sheets, shoes. I sometimes feel almost bummed that I don't get to choose what my kids have and wear because effectively everything is already provided...but then I remember that it's AMAZING to have such generous parents (mine and Adam's) and that I don't really love to shop that much anyway, so it's easy to just appreciate it all instead.
7. Without getting into the finer details or the "politics" of it, I had both of my babies at home with a midwife in attendance. This was a good choice for us for so many reasons...one of them being that it's much much much cheaper than a hospital birth.
8. We use natural/herbal/preventative approaches to wellness, which is much cheaper than reactive/medical treatment.
9. We almost never eat out now that we have two kids. With one we could still manage because we'd just go when he was between naps. With two it's a lot more juggling to find time to get everyone loaded up, eat, and home again without meltdowns.
10. We're not quite at school-age yet, but we're probably (likely) going to use either public or charter school. Free. Well, free in the sense that as homeowners in Grand Rapids we won't be paying anything we won't already be paying in taxes.
11. I mentioned grandparents, but it's also fair to say that almost everyone likes to get/do things for kids. Friends, extended family members, people from church or other organizations/groups we're connected to. We are given so much for our kids that we very very rarely ever have to buy anything we didn't already.
12. Our whole focus in life, our priorities, now center on our children. I don't know that I'm actually so much less selfish than I was pre-children, but I don't have the time/energy/scheduling finesse to pursue things just for me much at all anymore. If I didn't have kids I would probably go out of the house more. I'd shop. I'd get haircuts or color. I'd have more hobbies that I spend more money on supplies for. I'd buy more gourmet & international food items to cook more creative meals instead of just doing sandwiches & cereal since it's all the kids eat anyway. We'd go on dates. We'd go to the bar. We'd go to movies and plays and concerts. I'd drop in on Adam at work sometimes and randomly pick up lunch somewhere. There are so many more opportunities to spend money on yourself when you're just...well...yourself.
13. The internet. Because the internet makes almost anything possible from home and it's trickier to get out with kids and nap schedules, I can do almost everything, always, from home.
14. Attachment/"crunchy" or "granola" parenting: I breastfeed. (Free). I make my own baby food. (Free). I carry my kid in a sling I got free from the midwife or I use a mei-tai style wrap a friend sewed up for me very inexpensively. I cloth diaper(ed) both kids and, other than the past 8 months of diaper service as a moving/transition gift from my parents, I wash them myself. The diapers and covers cost more initially than disposables do, but after using them a gazillion times they more than pay for themselves. Plus, the added bonus in all this is that we have much less of an impact on the landfills (did you disposable diapers are the THIRD largest single item in landfills, representing about 4% of the solid waste?), we feed our kids the best foods we can without any extra preservatives or high fructose corn syrup, and they grow up attached to us, comforted by the bonding that happens through being carried so much instead of detached & "strollered" in the amazing SUVs of strollers they make these days. By using only an umbrella stroller, and that infrequently, we have the Pinto of strollers and it's parked in the garage most of the time. :)
15. Most of the activities/interests/values that we have & enjoy & want to share with our kids have very little to no cost involved. We love to be outside. We like to hike and camp. We like to play at the beach. We were gifted with a canoe which runs on people-power (free, eco-safe) and is great fun with kids. We go for walks. We play in public places. Through family & friends & church & organizations we have abundant opportunities to be in community with the only cost being the gas to get us there and sometimes some food to share. We don't have cable so we can't watch TV - by choice. We don't have cell phones (unless Adam's job buys him one & pays for it...and even then we sometimes wish we didn't have it for other reasons.) We're technological dinosaurs - no ipods or blackberries or wii systems. We're not gadgety or trendy. Knowing that our children learn by example, we feel that much more convicted about spending time in nature, in community, with books, dancing & singing and other things that are free and the richest treasures in this life.
2 comments:
Amen. To everything :) Isn't it amazing how your needs can be provided for without buying everything out there?
I feel like I'd get a babysitter so I could go to the mall...maybe I'm not ready?
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